A collection of TOGI Quotes, the most memorable lines from internet personality Shane Stoffer, better known as TOGI. Sit back, laugh a little, and enjoy the mix of wisdom, humor, and pure randomness that only TOGI can deliver.
Chlamydia
“You guys know when you’re spending a ton of money, and you know you shouldn’t be spending it, but you just don’t check your bank account, and it’s not a problem? It’s awesome!
It’s kind of the same idea as, like, if you think you might have chlamydia — just never get checked for chlamydia. Because the second you get checked for chlamydia and you have chlamydia… then you definitely have chlamydia” — TOGI
Cancer Patient
“We ended up gambling away the cancer patient’s money, and also ended up $200,000 in debt. Not ideal, BUT! Overall, pretty happy with how the video…” — TOGI
Never Lived
“The guy walking wishes he had a bike. The guy biking wishes he had a van. The guy with the van wishes he had a sports car. The guy with the sports car wishes he had a supercar.
The guy with the supercar — 40 years old — looks at the 16-year-old who’s walking and thinks, ‘Damn, I wish I had more time.’
If you look around enough, everybody will have something you don’t have that you want. And if you’re too busy looking around at what you want, you’ll never appreciate what you have — and then you never really lived.” — TOGI
Tortas
“It’s weird being famous, because everyone thinks I should be with, like, top-quality women. But sometimes I just wanna pound a torta, dude. I swear—it’s easier, it’s less, like… ‘niewh niewh niewh niewh’ (nagging imitation).” — TOGI
Sell My CAr
“What I’m gonna do to solve my financial problems is—I think I’m just gonna go ahead and sell my car… and put it on black.” — TOGI
Most Depressing Shit
“You know what I heard the other day? Pornhub has a gambling service… but all the girls are naked. That’s the most depressing shit I’ve ever heard in my life.
That’s like—you gotta be so deprived of dopamine to resort to shit like that. Just, like, playing slots while you stroke your shit. What…?
And it’s not like a short thing. You gamble for hours. So what—you’re just jacking it for hours? Violently edging?
…I mean, it sounds pretty chill.” — TOGI
Might as well have done heroin
“Don’t chase girls, they’re no better than a drug. Think about the last time you hung out with a girl. What did you actually get done? You banged and then you watched cartoons. And at the end of the day, you feel accomplished. You’re like ‘Oh, that was nice. That was a good day’. But in reality, you got nothing done! You might as well have done heroin all day long!” — TOGI
money coms after creativity
“The richest people on the planet love money, but the happiest people on this planet love creativity. They love their ideas, and as a result of being so obsessed with their ideas, they make tens of millions of dollars. You don’t need a billion dollars. With ten million dollars you can do everything and anything.
At the end of the day, money is very important. But this is why you don’t have to worry about it: the key to being happy is that you need creativity, your ideas, and money. You want to be making art. If you focus first on the creativity, on your ideas, then the money will come. The money comes after the creativity.” — TOGI
24 Hours is worth more than a billion dollars
“Money comes and goes. Muscles come and go. Relationships, they come and go. The only thing in this life that you cannot get back is your time. It’s so easy to waste time. It feels like we have unlimited time, until you’re out of time.
Think about it on a smaller scale. If I give you a billion dollars, would you be happy? And everyone is like, ‘Of course.’ And then I ask: if I give you a billion dollars, but you only have 24 hours left to live, would you take it? And everyone is like, ‘Absolutely not.’ Tomorrow is priceless. That time, that 24 hours, is worth more than a billion dollars.
Take a look: what do I need to change? What am I doing with my time? What am I really doing with my time? You have to pay attention. Say you take weekends off — completely wasted, you know, you smoke weed, watch Rick and Morty all day long. Seems innocent, but that’s 104 days a year. That’s over 1% of your life wasted.” — TOGI